Trichotillomania As An Addiction

Hello fellow Trichsters,

I apologize for not having posted in such a long time, as I have been on quite the journey, both internally and around the world. As I began my long recovery through 8 months of therapy, I learned a great deal from my psychologist, who specializes in the treatment of Trichotillomania specifically (she is the clinical director at the OCD Centre of Los Angeles - we did Skype sessions as I do not live in the USA, if you would like her information, please let me know in the comments section and I will personally email you all the info).

In any case, below are some interesting links that talk about Trichotillomania as an addiction, and I must admit, it makes far more sense to me than it being an impulse control disorder. While I was recovering, I had extreme withdrawal and went through the exact symptoms as would an addict to any substance. I am not 100% recovered, and I still pull, but the biggest changes have been not of my hair, but of my inner being. I have learned to accept myself, be kind to myself, and wow, I never thought it could make such a difference.

Please feel free to peruse these very interesting links. I would love to hear what you think!

Conceptualizing Trichotillomania As An Addiction

Trichotillomania As Addiction: A Holistic Perspective

Finally A Novel About Trichotillomania

I have been informed by a friend (who works in publishing) that within the next few months, a new book will debut called "Trichster". And it's exactly about that - hair pulling.

The author is a hair puller herself, and wrote the first part of a 3 part story about the secret life of a closer hair puller. It's an intimate, first hand look into the life of a Trichster.

Once it becomes available on e-book, I will post more information. 

Hello fellow Trichsters,

I apologize for not having written in a very long time. I have been on a long and difficult journey with my trich and I will tell you how it started.

There was a time when I struggled in secret; 15 years to be exact. I hadn't told anyone about my pulling because I was afraid. I was ashamed of what I did to myself but most of all, I was scared. I was scared that I would be judged. That those who looked at me with admirable eyes would not longer see a strong and independent woman but a crippled and weak soul who spent her entire life in a mask.

Then one day I had reached the end of my rope. My pulling was at its worst. I had locked myself in my room, staring at these four walls like I often would, I would cry myself to sleep because I didn't understand why I was so alone and why I couldn't get better. There were days when I literally wouldn't see daylight, but lie in my bed and see no reason to get out of it.

A friend of mine had asked me why I hadn't sought therapy. I thought about it for a long time, but I never made the call. "I'm busy" I told her, which was the truth as I had so much going on. Luckily these tasks only required a computer and an internet connection. "Those are just excuses" she told me, which is when I realized that I could dedicate one hour a week to seeing a therapist.

So I made the call. My hands had never trembled so much in my life. My voice never so quivering. I made the call, and for 6 months I have been seeing a therapist.

No, I haven't stopped pulling. No, I do not have an entire head of hair or all my eyelashes.

I am still a Trichster, but today, I am a free Trichster - no longer caged by my fears or judgements; no longer afraid or confused.

Today, my fellow Trichsters, I am free from the cage I have been keeping myself in all these years. And today, I want to tell you that there is hope. Perhaps you may not understand in this moment, but it's not about the hair. It never was.

You see my loving Trichsters, hair-pulling is just the byproduct of something else. Something that I have long been hiding myself from, and the moment I faced my real fears was the moment Trich stopped running myself, even though it is still present in me.

I love you, and I wish all of you the freedom I can now say I have experienced. There is more to you than your pulling. That I can promise.

You don't need willpower to stop pulling...

Link that talks about how good intentions and willpower don't work to help in recovery. What do you think?

To all the Trichsters

I just wanted to tell you that you are beautiful, regardless how much hair, eyelashes or eyebrows you have. You are beautiful not just on the inside, but on the outside as well. Because hair doesn't dictate beauty, we do. And I can tell you right now that bald spots and naked eyes don't make someone ugly, at least not in my hair-starved eyes :)

I am sending a big hug to all of you. Thank you for being supportive. Thank you for reading my words, and most of all, thank you for being exactly who you are. Never, ever change. 

This would explain the "heart attack" I felt during Trial # 1...

"When we ingest marijuana, the heart swells through capillary enhancement and is fueled more by more fully oxygenated blood, while, at the same time, its contractions and expansions are greater, allowing for stronger pumping action to the rest of the body" (p. 37, The Benefits of Marijuana: Physical, Psychological, & Spiritual, by Joan Bello).

I would suggest having a look at this link. Great, great info.

Am I becoming a marijuana advocate? Hah! Who knew. Here are some more quotes I found interesting.

"The marijuana experience itself does not miraculously cure. Instead, it allows the body a respite from the tensions of imbalance, while exposing the mental confusion of the mind. The marijuana experience of balance becomes a learned and, over time, somewhat permanent response as the essential human tendency to homeostasis is reawakened and the natural healing process restored" (p. 49).

"In a Costa Rican study, it was found that chronic marijuana smokers who also smoked cigarettes were less likely to develop cancer than cigarette smokers who didn’t use marijuana. Since marijuana (smoking, as well as ingestion by other methods) dilates the alveoli, toxins are more easily eliminated with cannabis use regardless of its method of application. Nicotine, on the other hand, constricts the alveoli, so it is likely that the use of cannabis neutralizes, or even overwhelms the constriction, by its own tendency to dilation ...As an aid for all psychosomatic disease, marijuana can benefit the participant, generally because of its health-restoring effects... The fear of marijuana... stems from its limitless potential for treating illness, in that both the pharmaceutical industry and the medical monopoly would lose billions of dollars if marijuana became the non-drug of choice" (p. 61).

"Marijuana can act as the loosening agent, so that whatever has been banned from consciousness may come cascading forth. To uncover our deceptions without our usual rationalizations can be unpleasant, an experience that has turned many psychologically fragile individuals away from marijuana despite its therapeutic catharsis" (p. 50).


"Regardless of the model used, marijuana resolves conflict by de-emphasizing extreme aggressiveness and stroking the receptive sides of human nature. This unification or balance, however, may be responsible for changes in goals and values. It Is the healthy balancing nature of marijuana that is most beneficial to the individual and most threatening to modern society" (p. 51).

Marijuana As A De-Stressor?

As previously posted, the few marijuana trials I did were not effective in terms of helping with my hair-pulling. I still felt urges to pull even while I was high, and this was disappointing.

On a related note, I had an episode last night. I never pull my brows, and now I have to draw in most of my left one. It's ridiculous. I've never pulled my brows before and this is getting worse and worse.

As a desperate attempt to stop myself, I smoked half a joint (I had it lying around for a while from previous trials) in hopes of alleviating the symptoms.

Surprisingly, it helped tremendously. I'm beginning to wonder if weed only helps while you feel stressed. When I smoked it without the "need" but for trial reasons, it didn't help, but when I tried it while under extreme stress, it relieved my symptoms amazingly.

I was sitting watching TV, and although I was day dreaming and starring into nothing really, this incredible sense of calm fell over me. I felt amazing, and relaxed. I felt good.

Also note, however, that I got this weed from a different dealer than from previous trials. I am in the midst of finding out what strain this particular marijuana was, because that might have made the difference.

Indica strains are the ones used to medically treat anxiety. If this is the strain I smoked last night, then perhaps I was wrong all along. Maybe it helps, but it depends on the type/quality of the weed.

I'll keep you posted.