Hello fellow Trichsters,
I apologize for not having written in a very long time. I have been on a long and difficult journey with my trich and I will tell you how it started.
There was a time when I struggled in secret; 15 years to be exact. I hadn't told anyone about my pulling because I was afraid. I was ashamed of what I did to myself but most of all, I was scared. I was scared that I would be judged. That those who looked at me with admirable eyes would not longer see a strong and independent woman but a crippled and weak soul who spent her entire life in a mask.
Then one day I had reached the end of my rope. My pulling was at its worst. I had locked myself in my room, staring at these four walls like I often would, I would cry myself to sleep because I didn't understand why I was so alone and why I couldn't get better. There were days when I literally wouldn't see daylight, but lie in my bed and see no reason to get out of it.
A friend of mine had asked me why I hadn't sought therapy. I thought about it for a long time, but I never made the call. "I'm busy" I told her, which was the truth as I had so much going on. Luckily these tasks only required a computer and an internet connection. "Those are just excuses" she told me, which is when I realized that I could dedicate one hour a week to seeing a therapist.
So I made the call. My hands had never trembled so much in my life. My voice never so quivering. I made the call, and for 6 months I have been seeing a therapist.
No, I haven't stopped pulling. No, I do not have an entire head of hair or all my eyelashes.
I am still a Trichster, but today, I am a free Trichster - no longer caged by my fears or judgements; no longer afraid or confused.
Today, my fellow Trichsters, I am free from the cage I have been keeping myself in all these years. And today, I want to tell you that there is hope. Perhaps you may not understand in this moment, but it's not about the hair. It never was.
You see my loving Trichsters, hair-pulling is just the byproduct of something else. Something that I have long been hiding myself from, and the moment I faced my real fears was the moment Trich stopped running myself, even though it is still present in me.
I love you, and I wish all of you the freedom I can now say I have experienced. There is more to you than your pulling. That I can promise.
I apologize for not having written in a very long time. I have been on a long and difficult journey with my trich and I will tell you how it started.
There was a time when I struggled in secret; 15 years to be exact. I hadn't told anyone about my pulling because I was afraid. I was ashamed of what I did to myself but most of all, I was scared. I was scared that I would be judged. That those who looked at me with admirable eyes would not longer see a strong and independent woman but a crippled and weak soul who spent her entire life in a mask.
Then one day I had reached the end of my rope. My pulling was at its worst. I had locked myself in my room, staring at these four walls like I often would, I would cry myself to sleep because I didn't understand why I was so alone and why I couldn't get better. There were days when I literally wouldn't see daylight, but lie in my bed and see no reason to get out of it.
A friend of mine had asked me why I hadn't sought therapy. I thought about it for a long time, but I never made the call. "I'm busy" I told her, which was the truth as I had so much going on. Luckily these tasks only required a computer and an internet connection. "Those are just excuses" she told me, which is when I realized that I could dedicate one hour a week to seeing a therapist.
So I made the call. My hands had never trembled so much in my life. My voice never so quivering. I made the call, and for 6 months I have been seeing a therapist.
No, I haven't stopped pulling. No, I do not have an entire head of hair or all my eyelashes.
I am still a Trichster, but today, I am a free Trichster - no longer caged by my fears or judgements; no longer afraid or confused.
Today, my fellow Trichsters, I am free from the cage I have been keeping myself in all these years. And today, I want to tell you that there is hope. Perhaps you may not understand in this moment, but it's not about the hair. It never was.
You see my loving Trichsters, hair-pulling is just the byproduct of something else. Something that I have long been hiding myself from, and the moment I faced my real fears was the moment Trich stopped running myself, even though it is still present in me.
I love you, and I wish all of you the freedom I can now say I have experienced. There is more to you than your pulling. That I can promise.
